| A Consenting Juveniles narrative is a first-hand account reporting the words of the research subject on his or her experience. The narrative on this page is an anonymous account of correspondence conducted by SOL Research. All names of persons and places, as well as other personal details have been changed. |
Curtis
If anyone says this was ‘abuse,’ I think they’re an idiot.
| Source: | SOLR correspondence |
This case is interesting because of the young age at which it started, the length of time it went on, and Curtis’s feelings about what took place both at the time and later on. An exception is made to include this case because, although Curtis’ partner was about the same age, he was a lot more knowledgeable about sex than Curtis was. |
From the age of five or six until I was ten or eleven, I periodically engaged in rather extensive sex play with a boy who was in the same grade as me. We called it the “pee-worm game.” He generally initiated it, and we both enjoyed it. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at first, but in time, I came to feel guilt and shame about it. I don’t think this was any different from what I felt about masturbation, given my religiously conservative upbringing. I’ve since gotten over the guilt and shame about both, and my only regret is that I wasn’t able to do it earlier. In reflecting on aspects of this experience, I’ve come to realize that there was a sizable knowledge differential between us (he knew a lot more than I did), and sometimes he got me to do things that I didn’t entirely understand at the time. But if anyone wants to tell me this was “abuse,” I think they’re an idiot. I was there. They weren’t.
I sometimes wonder if this experience is part of why the idea of child sexuality doesn’t fill me with horror today. I sometimes wonder if the experience would have really been all that different if it was with someone older than me, different enough to magically transform it into “abuse.” Maybe that’s the real “harm” in the experience, it’s led me to believe that a lot of self-proclaimed “experts” don’t know what they’re talking about.
There is one thing about the experience for which I’m grateful: If I’d grown up in the state where I now live, this childhood experience would have made me a sex criminal.